Jacob S. Paulsen.com

Andrew James of AndrewJamesinc.com interviewed me today about 10 books that I would recommend that people read in 2010. I selected a top 10 list of personal development books (below). To listen to the audio interview visit Andrew’s blog here.

With the new year come the resolutions. How about deciding to read some good books? I am listing my favorite 10 personal development books. Not listed in any specific order these books will help you grow in various aspects of your life.

1. The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership – John C Maxwell
2. If Harry Potter Ran General Electric – Tom Morris
3. Secrets of the Millionaire Mind – T. Harv Eker
4. Speed of Trust – Stephen M. R. Covey
5. Think and Grow Rich – Napolean Hill
6. The Greatest Salesman in the World – Og Mandino
7. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People – Stephen R. Covey
8. Personal Power II – Anthony Robbins
9. How to Win Friends and Influence People – Dale Carnegie
10. The Power of Full Engagement – Jim Loehr

Of all the things I have learned from the Harry Potter saga, this is the most powerful to me. If you were to ask yourself what was Harry Potter’s greatest strength or asset; what would you say? I would say, “his friends.”

The strength of any person can be measured by those who are loyal to him. This was well illustrated by both Harry Potter and Albus Dumbledore, who had such a large number of loyal followers, we cannot begin to list all of them. I hesitate to use the word followers, lest each of us think we need to gain followers (not referring to twitter friends). What I really mean by followers, is people who would readily come to your aid; people who would willing sacrifice their own needs or possessions to grant yours. In effect, people who love you.

We see this pattern over and over as Harry’s friends including Ron, Hermoine, Neville, Luna, & Ginny willingly put their own needs behind them in an effort to help and assist Harry. This was because of both their love for Harry and for their love of Harry’s cause.

Adults were equally drawn in to him. Dumbledore, Lupin, McGonagall, Hagrid, the Weasleys, and countless others were willing to sacrifice their own lives for him and several did.

Creatures including Dobby, Creature, Buckbeak, and Hedwig were eager to defend him and his interests.

The greatest assets anyone can have in their lives are the relationships they build. If you are a religious person, you understand further that your greatest asset is your greatest relationship; the one with your divine creator.

Cherish the people around you. Give them a reason to believe in you by believing in them. Relationships go both ways. The people who have the greatest influence and power, are those who have learned to love and cherish the greatest number of people.

Jacob S Paulsen

The Need to Know concept is mostly illustrated by Dumbledore in the Harry Potter series. Even when Snape asks him to explain what he is doing in his private lessons with Harry, Dumbledore replies with, “I prefer not to put all my secrets in one basket,…”

Dumbledore was a man of as few words as he could manage. This goes against human nature. Each of us has a natural desire to be part of a conversation and without even consciously thinking about it we naturally desire to turn the topic towards ourselves. Few things are as inherent in mankind as the constant need to talk about oneself. With that having been said Dumbledore’s relationships did not suffer because he was short or cold with people. He found a happy middle.

It is a sign of true control when one learns to master his tongue. I suspect that when Dumbledore was engaged in any conversation his thought process what probably closer to “does this person need to know this….” than to “there isn’t any reason I shouldn’t tell this person this…” What is this minor difference? The difference is between only telling people what is necessary and telling people anything or everything as long as you can’t forsee any future harm in it.

We never know what the future might hold or what things today that may seem insignificant might one day become important. However, we must not take this idea to the other extreme. Its one thing to control the human tendency to talk about oneself at every chance and a much different thing to tell people nothing at all. If we all spoke to each other in short, simple, need to know only statements the world would not be a better place.

Remember that our greatest assets are our relationships and making and maintaining strong relationships means sharing yourself with others, becoming transparent, and even dependent on one another. I’m simply suggesting that we bridle the natural human need to tell people everything we can about everything we feel is important to us. Its only in the happy middle of these two extremes that control and thus power over ourselves and our relationships can be strengthened.

Jacob S. Paulsen

Action: Be more conscious as you converse with others. Look back on your conversations to catch yourself bringing the subjects constantly back to you.

I know this might come as a shock but Nike was not born to give Micheal Jordan something to wear. Nike was born to fit the shoe of running legend Steve Prefontaine. Running sports have never had a large following perhaps because they just aren’t as much fun to watch or because they tend to be individual efforts instead of a team sport. What you need to know is that Steve Prefontaine was to running as Tiger Woods is to golf.  Legendary…

Steve Prefontaine wasn’t only famous because he held the National record in 7 different track events but more so because of the way he raced. He liked to give people something to watch and make a show out of it but what you have to understand the most about Steve is that he was a “front runner.” Front running is a term used to describe the foolish runner who leads the pack in a race. The lead runner takes battles up to 70% higher wind resistance than the runner who runs in his wake. Even olympic team members will take turns leading the pack while their star runner stays behind until the final moments. The thing about Steve isn’t that he ran in the front on ocassion but that he always led every single race from the start to the end.

He did it for one simple reason. He understood what running is really all about more than any other human in history. He understood that the only way to finish as a true winner is to give it everything that you got every single step of the way. He didn’t pace himself and he didn’t believe in strategy… he believed in winning out of pure guts…. and he did it almost every time.

His college track coach Bill Bowerman was the founder of Nike. He was famous for his waffle iron, home-made running shoes that he made for each of his runners. He founded Nike under the ideals that Steve Prefontaine lived. Next time you slip on your Nikes remember Steve Prefontaine and how he raced.

Jacob S. Paulsen

Action: Consider what you can do to step up to the plate. What are you afraid of and what is holding you back? What are the best people in your industry doing that you are afraid of doing?

Action: Watch the movie “Without Limits”

Steve Prefontaine Quotes:

A lot of people run a race to see who is fastest. I run to see who has the most guts, who can punish himself into exhausting pace, and then at the end, punish himself even more. – Steve Prefontaine

I run to see who has the most guts. – Steve Prefontaine

I’m going to work so that it’s a pure guts race at the end, and if it is, I am the only one who can win it. – Steve Prefontaine

Somebody may beat me, but they are going to have to bleed to do it. – Steve Prefontaine

Something inside of me just said ‘Hey, wait a minute, I want to beat him,’ and I just took off. – Steve Prefontaine

To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift. – Steve Prefontaine

What I want is to be number one. – Steve Prefontaine

You have to wonder at times what you’re doing out there. Over the years, I’ve given myself a thousand reasons to keep running, but it always comes back to where it started. It comes down to self-satisfaction and a sense of achievement. – Steve Prefontaine

For the first time I’m writing about what we can learn from Harry’s mistakes and not his example. Please understand that I think the Harry Potter character is human and of course is bound to make mistakes if the novel is to be good.

Harry Potter complains about his aunt and uncle and their lame Christmas gifts each year but did he ever send them anything? Harry hates Malfoy and for good reason but does he ever do anything at all to even try to help or mend the relationship?

Harry Potter is young and perhaps we should only expect so much from him, but we can learn from this bad example. A little compassion and understanding can go a long way. When it all comes down to it I dare say that in the 7 books we read Harry never gives his family a reason to love him. Even when people treat us with complete disregard and contempt we must learn to take the higher road and show kindness and respect to everyone. The attitude that we learn to adopt in our lives always comes back to us even if it takes time.

Action steps: Think of the people with whom you have a rough relationship and sort out a way to mend it. Often times transparent communication is a good place to start.

Deepak Chopra Salt Lake City 2009

This year I haven’t had the opportunity to attend as many events or seminars that I would like but I have heard from Deepak Chopra, Tony Robbins, Connie Podesta, and Ed Viesturs.

I used to think that these expensive seminars and events were a waste of money. Why not just buy the book and listen to it in the car or during my workout? Well, last week while hearing from Connie Podesta I finally understood the difference.

I think it starts with credibility. When you see someone face to face your body, mind, and soul are able to feel that person. You create a relationship of trust between the two of you even if you are only one person in a crowd of 5000. This relationship or buy-in as I call it changes things.

It changes the way you listen for a start. Without any distractions you are able to tune in directly. Because you begin to trust them you internalize the information without hesitation. It will also change the way you read their material later when you are not at the event. Because you have formed that pact of trust you will read more intently and be more likely to learn.

Ed Viesturs at AgelWorld '09 Convention

There is also the simple and obvious fact that you are able to absorb much more information when you are able to use all your senses within seminars. You have heard that different people learn differently. Such as visually, by listening, reading, and by writing. At the event you can use them all if you take some notes.

There is also a social affirmation at events where you are able to retain more information and believe more in what you hear because you have friends and collegues around you.

Looking back now into the last 5 years of my life I now understand why I have enjoyed some authors more than others. It is the ones whom I have seen in person and without realizing it I have taken more from their material. I have purchased books that I otherwise wouldn’t have bothered with.

Don’t be afraid of the events and seminars. They won’t all be amazing but more often than not you will form that relationship of trust that will benefit you for the rest of your life as you recall the information and read the books!

“Sometimes making a decision is more important than making the best decision.”

Harry Potter is a very decisive person. When confronted with decisions he certainly doesn’t always make the best one but I would argue that by making one right away vs weighing it out in his mind for too long he tends to come out on top. One might say that Harry is a boy of action not reflection.

One such example comes in book 4 “The Goblet of Fire” when inside the maze he runs through a mist that turns the world upside down. It feels to him that if he lifts his foot off the ground he will surely fall into infinite nothingness, but deciding that his other option is to just do nothing until presented with a different solution he acts pulling one foot hard off the ground. The world is corrected and he proceeds into the maze.

I’m not suggesting that thinking before acting is foolish. JK Rowling does a great job of taking us through Harry’s decision making processes in which he almost always thinks out the problem. What I am suggesting is that once you have thought something out in the first moments determining your options it becomes wiser to act than to wait continuously hoping for different options or for one such option to become perfectly more clear.

So Harry Potter teaches us that analyzing a situation and making a quick decision can be done hand in hand to come to a good end. We avoid acting without thinking it through but also avoid endless and pointless debate as to the best decision.

Worry, hurry, and fear prevent us from following Harry’s example. Practice with your everyday simple problems and trials. Think through the logical options and then make a quick decision even when you are not able to determine which one is the best option!

Every year I listen to the Harry Potter books. Something about the epic story really captivates me. As I am moving through the books right now I intend to post a series of posts on personal development lessons we can learn from Harry Potter and his stories. Here is the first installment.

Lesson 1: “Well, well . . . I’m impressed. That suggests what you fear most of all is — fear. Very wise, Harry.” -Professor Lupin

The above quote comes from book 3 in the series and has had me thinking all day. Most people set there fears on specific things such as spiders, heights, water, death, and even commitment.

Harry Potter, as is suggested, fears most of all fear itself. Someone who fears fear is most likely to confront and overcome anything they suspect might scare them. Is this wise?

I am suggesting that our friend Professor Lupin from the story was right, and that this practice/attitude is wise. Why? What is to be gained by confronting and overcoming things that scare you? There are a few simple and logical answers.

1. Overcoming fears will mean that you are scared of less things. This can only be a good thing.

2. The process of confronting fear will only strengthen your character, giving you more power to deal with the conflicts that life gives us.

3. Fearing fear itself gives you a strong understanding of reality and thus gives you more freedom in life to take action and pursue happiness.

People who struggle with fears but are too weak to confront them, face two very large problems. First is that they are bound to live life in constant fear. Second being that their ability to deal with conflicts is generally weakened as they continue to “run” away from the things they fear.

It certainly works for Harry in the story. Although Harry sometimes plunges into dangerous situations unwisely, it is foolishness and not a lack for fear than often puts him in danger. His ability to confront fear instead of dread it however proves to be a helpful trait. It allows him to think logically when under stress, and to do what is frankly necessary regardless what the consequences might be. Harry Potter fans will mistakenly notice this reoccurring pattern throughout the literary saga.

I suggest we all follow Harry’s example and confront our fears head on. By fighting them we increase our own ability to live life to its fullest and function within a true reality of our environment.

Overcoming fear does not mean we need to put ourselves in danger to prove we can handle it. If you are scared of lightning it may not be necessary to stand on top of a hill in a puddle of water during a thunderstorm. It does mean you need to learn the true reality of how lightning works and live in caution but not fear.

I leave you with this final thought; Fear Not. Fear is a tool used to keep you at bay, controllable, and weak. Confront it and overcome its power over you. This will make you both free and strong!

Ask yourself this question… what would your bugart transform into?

Jacob S Paulsen