Jacob S. Paulsen.com

I was recently interviewed about my experience as an entrepreneur. In the course of the 60 minute interview a very powerful phrase came out of my mouth and I’ve been reflecting on it ever since. I said, “Its not actually about who you know in life, but instead about who you are in life that matters.”

We commonly accept in life that people gain jobs and opportunities based on their personal connections. I think its a reality that can’t be ignored. I think however that the more important question is how those relationships came to be. It isn’t the simple introduction of someone else that gives us a useful “connection.” Your relationship with another is only a valuable asset if they are willing to help you. If anyone is willing to help you and do you a favor we have to assume that you must provide some form of value to them.

Relationships are based on an exchange of value. Sometimes that exchange can be monetary but those types of relationships don’t last. I’m talking about relationships that are built on an exchange of trust and love. These relationships of value give us a greater position in our society because we are an asset to others and they believe in us. So its true that in this life the people you know can make all the difference.

However, the only reason we “know” those people or gain anything from knowing them is because of the relationship we built with them. That is what I mean when I say that its not actually about who you know in life, but instead about who you are in life that matters. Who you are determines the relationships that you have and therefore who you are is the source of who you know.

Andrew James of AndrewJamesinc.com interviewed me today about 10 books that I would recommend that people read in 2010. I selected a top 10 list of personal development books (below). To listen to the audio interview visit Andrew’s blog here.

With the new year come the resolutions. How about deciding to read some good books? I am listing my favorite 10 personal development books. Not listed in any specific order these books will help you grow in various aspects of your life.

1. The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership – John C Maxwell
2. If Harry Potter Ran General Electric – Tom Morris
3. Secrets of the Millionaire Mind – T. Harv Eker
4. Speed of Trust – Stephen M. R. Covey
5. Think and Grow Rich – Napolean Hill
6. The Greatest Salesman in the World – Og Mandino
7. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People – Stephen R. Covey
8. Personal Power II – Anthony Robbins
9. How to Win Friends and Influence People – Dale Carnegie
10. The Power of Full Engagement – Jim Loehr

Of all the things I have learned from the Harry Potter saga, this is the most powerful to me. If you were to ask yourself what was Harry Potter’s greatest strength or asset; what would you say? I would say, “his friends.”

The strength of any person can be measured by those who are loyal to him. This was well illustrated by both Harry Potter and Albus Dumbledore, who had such a large number of loyal followers, we cannot begin to list all of them. I hesitate to use the word followers, lest each of us think we need to gain followers (not referring to twitter friends). What I really mean by followers, is people who would readily come to your aid; people who would willing sacrifice their own needs or possessions to grant yours. In effect, people who love you.

We see this pattern over and over as Harry’s friends including Ron, Hermoine, Neville, Luna, & Ginny willingly put their own needs behind them in an effort to help and assist Harry. This was because of both their love for Harry and for their love of Harry’s cause.

Adults were equally drawn in to him. Dumbledore, Lupin, McGonagall, Hagrid, the Weasleys, and countless others were willing to sacrifice their own lives for him and several did.

Creatures including Dobby, Creature, Buckbeak, and Hedwig were eager to defend him and his interests.

The greatest assets anyone can have in their lives are the relationships they build. If you are a religious person, you understand further that your greatest asset is your greatest relationship; the one with your divine creator.

Cherish the people around you. Give them a reason to believe in you by believing in them. Relationships go both ways. The people who have the greatest influence and power, are those who have learned to love and cherish the greatest number of people.

Jacob S Paulsen

Goals are a big part of any business. Over time we have been taught a lot about setting effective goals including the power of written goals. What a lot of people don’t understand is the importance of an action plan. Without a step by step plan to reach your goal you have nothing more than a wish.

Action Plans generally have 3 parts. Each action plan should reflect your goals, the steps you must take to accomplish them, and what will be required of other third parties to make it happen. Third parties may include a business partner, your spouse, or even your creator. In your MLM business this most often includes your upline leadership or company executives.

Your action plan should be written down and signed by all the parties involved. Display it in a place where you will see it regularily and if possible a location where you are in a position to take the most action such as your desk or office.

I have built a simple MLM action plan that you can download here.

Jacob S Paulsen

The Need to Know concept is mostly illustrated by Dumbledore in the Harry Potter series. Even when Snape asks him to explain what he is doing in his private lessons with Harry, Dumbledore replies with, “I prefer not to put all my secrets in one basket,…”

Dumbledore was a man of as few words as he could manage. This goes against human nature. Each of us has a natural desire to be part of a conversation and without even consciously thinking about it we naturally desire to turn the topic towards ourselves. Few things are as inherent in mankind as the constant need to talk about oneself. With that having been said Dumbledore’s relationships did not suffer because he was short or cold with people. He found a happy middle.

It is a sign of true control when one learns to master his tongue. I suspect that when Dumbledore was engaged in any conversation his thought process what probably closer to “does this person need to know this….” than to “there isn’t any reason I shouldn’t tell this person this…” What is this minor difference? The difference is between only telling people what is necessary and telling people anything or everything as long as you can’t forsee any future harm in it.

We never know what the future might hold or what things today that may seem insignificant might one day become important. However, we must not take this idea to the other extreme. Its one thing to control the human tendency to talk about oneself at every chance and a much different thing to tell people nothing at all. If we all spoke to each other in short, simple, need to know only statements the world would not be a better place.

Remember that our greatest assets are our relationships and making and maintaining strong relationships means sharing yourself with others, becoming transparent, and even dependent on one another. I’m simply suggesting that we bridle the natural human need to tell people everything we can about everything we feel is important to us. Its only in the happy middle of these two extremes that control and thus power over ourselves and our relationships can be strengthened.

Jacob S. Paulsen

Action: Be more conscious as you converse with others. Look back on your conversations to catch yourself bringing the subjects constantly back to you.

I know this might come as a shock but Nike was not born to give Micheal Jordan something to wear. Nike was born to fit the shoe of running legend Steve Prefontaine. Running sports have never had a large following perhaps because they just aren’t as much fun to watch or because they tend to be individual efforts instead of a team sport. What you need to know is that Steve Prefontaine was to running as Tiger Woods is to golf.  Legendary…

Steve Prefontaine wasn’t only famous because he held the National record in 7 different track events but more so because of the way he raced. He liked to give people something to watch and make a show out of it but what you have to understand the most about Steve is that he was a “front runner.” Front running is a term used to describe the foolish runner who leads the pack in a race. The lead runner takes battles up to 70% higher wind resistance than the runner who runs in his wake. Even olympic team members will take turns leading the pack while their star runner stays behind until the final moments. The thing about Steve isn’t that he ran in the front on ocassion but that he always led every single race from the start to the end.

He did it for one simple reason. He understood what running is really all about more than any other human in history. He understood that the only way to finish as a true winner is to give it everything that you got every single step of the way. He didn’t pace himself and he didn’t believe in strategy… he believed in winning out of pure guts…. and he did it almost every time.

His college track coach Bill Bowerman was the founder of Nike. He was famous for his waffle iron, home-made running shoes that he made for each of his runners. He founded Nike under the ideals that Steve Prefontaine lived. Next time you slip on your Nikes remember Steve Prefontaine and how he raced.

Jacob S. Paulsen

Action: Consider what you can do to step up to the plate. What are you afraid of and what is holding you back? What are the best people in your industry doing that you are afraid of doing?

Action: Watch the movie “Without Limits”

Steve Prefontaine Quotes:

A lot of people run a race to see who is fastest. I run to see who has the most guts, who can punish himself into exhausting pace, and then at the end, punish himself even more. – Steve Prefontaine

I run to see who has the most guts. – Steve Prefontaine

I’m going to work so that it’s a pure guts race at the end, and if it is, I am the only one who can win it. – Steve Prefontaine

Somebody may beat me, but they are going to have to bleed to do it. – Steve Prefontaine

Something inside of me just said ‘Hey, wait a minute, I want to beat him,’ and I just took off. – Steve Prefontaine

To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift. – Steve Prefontaine

What I want is to be number one. – Steve Prefontaine

You have to wonder at times what you’re doing out there. Over the years, I’ve given myself a thousand reasons to keep running, but it always comes back to where it started. It comes down to self-satisfaction and a sense of achievement. – Steve Prefontaine

For the first time I’m writing about what we can learn from Harry’s mistakes and not his example. Please understand that I think the Harry Potter character is human and of course is bound to make mistakes if the novel is to be good.

Harry Potter complains about his aunt and uncle and their lame Christmas gifts each year but did he ever send them anything? Harry hates Malfoy and for good reason but does he ever do anything at all to even try to help or mend the relationship?

Harry Potter is young and perhaps we should only expect so much from him, but we can learn from this bad example. A little compassion and understanding can go a long way. When it all comes down to it I dare say that in the 7 books we read Harry never gives his family a reason to love him. Even when people treat us with complete disregard and contempt we must learn to take the higher road and show kindness and respect to everyone. The attitude that we learn to adopt in our lives always comes back to us even if it takes time.

Action steps: Think of the people with whom you have a rough relationship and sort out a way to mend it. Often times transparent communication is a good place to start.

Play to your strengths. It was Mad-Eye Moody who gave Harry Potter this advice when he encouraged him to think of his own strengths that would help him beat his dragon in the upcoming task. In the last 5 years it has been a consistent theme among personal development coaches to teach the focus on one’s strengths instead of the constant focus on improving one’s weaknesses. Nobody did this better than Harry Potter. He learned quickly what he was poorest at, and he surrounded himself with people who could compliment his weaknesses.

What he didn’t do is worry about what he was bad at, and spend all his time trying to improve. Did he study extra hard at Potions or Defense Against the Dark Arts? We need to take his example to heart. We must discover our greatest strengths and structure a life around them. Find a career that will play to your best atributes and surround yourself (especially a spouse) with people who can compensate for your greatest weaknesses.

The second half of this lesson to search out solutions to problems by focusing on your strengths. When trials stand in your way consider what you have to offer to the problem. What talent, resource, or trait are present in you that will allow you to overcome with the greatest speed and efficiency. It does little good to focus thoughts and time outside of your circle of influence. Consider that life never throws anything at you that you can’t overcome even if sometimes it will require the help of your truly greatest resource; your friends.

Deepak Chopra Salt Lake City 2009

This year I haven’t had the opportunity to attend as many events or seminars that I would like but I have heard from Deepak Chopra, Tony Robbins, Connie Podesta, and Ed Viesturs.

I used to think that these expensive seminars and events were a waste of money. Why not just buy the book and listen to it in the car or during my workout? Well, last week while hearing from Connie Podesta I finally understood the difference.

I think it starts with credibility. When you see someone face to face your body, mind, and soul are able to feel that person. You create a relationship of trust between the two of you even if you are only one person in a crowd of 5000. This relationship or buy-in as I call it changes things.

It changes the way you listen for a start. Without any distractions you are able to tune in directly. Because you begin to trust them you internalize the information without hesitation. It will also change the way you read their material later when you are not at the event. Because you have formed that pact of trust you will read more intently and be more likely to learn.

Ed Viesturs at AgelWorld '09 Convention

There is also the simple and obvious fact that you are able to absorb much more information when you are able to use all your senses within seminars. You have heard that different people learn differently. Such as visually, by listening, reading, and by writing. At the event you can use them all if you take some notes.

There is also a social affirmation at events where you are able to retain more information and believe more in what you hear because you have friends and collegues around you.

Looking back now into the last 5 years of my life I now understand why I have enjoyed some authors more than others. It is the ones whom I have seen in person and without realizing it I have taken more from their material. I have purchased books that I otherwise wouldn’t have bothered with.

Don’t be afraid of the events and seminars. They won’t all be amazing but more often than not you will form that relationship of trust that will benefit you for the rest of your life as you recall the information and read the books!

Our own belief system controls our reality.

In the Harry Potter book “The Half Blood Prince,” Ron believes that he has been given , the lucky potion. Because his own belief system is changed, his reality also changes. He performs as if he had been lucky. Clearly this effect would only work if Ron already had the skills necessary to perform. The important point is how our own beliefs change our reality.

Each of us live in a reality that is generated based on what we see and not what is actually there. This is a huge problem in relationships and discussions since none of us can understand the world as seen through anyone else’s perspective. This is a huge bonus however because it also means that you have the power within you to change the world by simply altering your own beliefs. This is done by filling your mind with positive thinking, good education, and hard work. By sharpening our skills and increasing our mental capacity we become capable of changing our own world around us.

In the same book when Harry Potter finally understands that he must kill Voldermort because of who he is and what he did to his family instead of the prophecy it changes everything. The end result is the same but his world changes because of the reason. In his words “It was, he thought, the difference between being dragged into the arena to face a battle to death and walking into the arena with your head held high.”  Dumbledore worked hard to explain to him the importance of this single thing because changing Harry Potter’s belief would alter his own reality and make him all the more likely to succeed in his task.

What does this mean for you? It means that you have control over your world. All the complaining about your job, life, family, or circumstance is your own fault. Not just because you are a whiner (although true) but more importantly because the things you whine about are shaped in your own reality because of your own belief system over which you have COMPLETE CONTROL.

It also means that the way to change your own world is to change your beliefs. This means learning, finding purpose, and understanding your own values. To live by your own values and be conscious of the act will cause in effect a peaceful and happy reality! You are the author of your reality and you hold the power to change it.